It’s Okay Not to Be Okay: Finding Strength in the Messy Moments

You’re so strong. You have such a good attitude about everything. You see the world so beautifully. How do you stay so positive?

Those are the words I hear time and time again.

But some days… some days I don’t want to be any of those things.

Some days I feel like giving up. When it feels like it’s one wave of negative news after another, when changes hit that shake not only my life but my family’s too—it’s exhausting to try and keep my rose-colored glasses on.

But what choice do I really have? What choice was I given seven years ago when this battle began? People often say, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” Sometimes, I want to challenge that statement with everything in me.

Cancer doesn’t give you choices. It’s fight, or lose your life—and I’m nowhere near ready for the latter. So I fight. We fight. Relentlessly.

Here’s the truth though: for most people, including myself, it’s easier to put on the mask of being “strong,” “brave,” and “positive.”

What’s harder is showing the messy parts. The moments when I yell, when I break down and cry out of nowhere, when the anger and despair creep in and I don’t feel strong or brave at all.

I work hard not to live in that space for too long. I pull myself out—sometimes over and over again. And I know I’m one of the lucky ones who can do that…. most of the time.

I’ve learned to live by one of my favorite quotes: “It’s okay not to be okay.”

And it really is. It’s okay to feel the feelings. To sit in them for a bit. To process, grieve, and even rage if that’s what the moment calls for. But then—when you’re ready—find the silver linings. Climb out of the pit of despair. And choose to thrive in the life God has given you.